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FRIDAY INNIT. 15.09.06. Woop woop! Anyways. Slpeen a while, eh? eh. The summer proved sunny and drunk, culminating in 2 weeks in Croatia, the Land Of The Aqua Shoe. Yes, Fontaine unintentially gave himself about 8 weeks off from everyfink...but now it's all back on!! The SXSW film is captured and being edited and coming together and has some hilarious bits innit that I'll be putting online trés soon. Like Leslie the transvestite crack whore. Hahaha, oh happy days. On the same subject the book of my travels is coming along very nicely also. I've never written a whole real book before. It's quite scary really. It takes a long time, and a lot of effort for someone to tell you it's rubbish. I think I might not even show it to anyone.

On a more positive front, Danny Fontaine and The Horns Of Fury played their debut gig last week at The Fighting Cocks in Kingston. 90% of everyone coming arrived just after we'd finished, but hey, it went pretty good anyways. I would say it was nice to be on the other side of the lens for a change (haha), but no-one took any photos. STILL, more gigs coming soon!! See www.myspace.com/dannyfontaineandthehornsoffury for more details.

The picture on the left was done by JT and is part of the "Draw Danny Fontaine" project. If you want to be involved just drop me an email and I'll send you a unique photograph. You can use paints, glue, glitter, toilet roll, pens, computer, semen, blood, anything you like, just send me over your version and I'll put it on a new part of my website. Not only this but I'll post you a FREE print of any band you like from this site. The "Draw Danny Fontaine" site will be up soon, and will hopefully, ultimately, lead to an exhibition in London. Thanks a million to everyone that's already submitted something - and for those who haven't asked for a print - let me know!

Until next time.

27.06.06. Speen a busy week mon droogies, somehow I got lined up with 3 big gigs; Tracy Chapman, Eric Clapton, Jools Holland and Van Morrison. That's 4 actually isn't it. Anyway, made me realise that I'd take shooting my mates band in a dirty club down a back alley anyday. Big artists mean big money, so the only peoples there were suited and booted poshies who felt it fine that they wandered in at their leisure, even though the acts had started, and continued to talk (loudly) whilst they found their seats. The artists themselves weren't much better, I mean they SOUNDED good, but for example, Eric Clapton stared at his own feet the whole time while he tried out some of his new material. On top of that I was only allowed to shoott ONE song before security escorted me from the premises, even though I had a full photo pass. One word. C***s.

Anyways, apart from that, life has been flying past at usual pace, I played my second gig with Doin' Time (see main page for photos of yours truly rockin out the bass), and I even managed to get the whole of my other band together in the same place to do this photoshoot (right). This is only a polaroid, should be getting the actual shots this week. Thanks a million Neil. The funny thing is that although we've all been playing the music for the band for at least a couple of months, this is the first time that a lot ot them actually met each other. God we're vain. Well they are. As you can prolly see, I didn't even realise I was having my photo taken.

No gigs this week cos I'm moving and I HATE moving. I've been preparing for a couple of weeks but I have a tendancy to panic over these things. Miggy'll be at work on Thursday which is prolly for the best....

I'll get you next time, Gadget.
7th Joone. 2000sex. Word up homey bitches. Man, it's hot. How's a man to get any work done on a day like this? The river is calling with cold beers; a bit like The Lady Of The Lake. I love King Arthur. I don't have much to say today, I just wanted to put this picture up of Fontaine and Donovan, or "Don" as i call him. Now everyone can see that I'm really NOT talking about Jason Donovan, and I know a fews of yous will be more than a tad dissapointed: but this one's better, I promise! I can't believe how many of my "friends" haven't heard of him. Anyways. here's a picture. We were doing "serious faces." I think I MAY be overdoing the "quotation marks" and CAPITAL letters today, but you know what? "Fuck it." I'm only young ONCE. Ooh, a swear word too. I'm really pushin the boat out today.

Listening to janis Joplin. I'd like to do a cover of 'Cry baby.'

And 'After Hours' by the Velvet Underground.

Email suggestions.

OR DIE....
05/06/06. Sezer's left Big brother, the World cup starts on Friday, the sun is shining, and I'm thousands of pounds in debt - hurrah, summer!

Things have been a little slow lately, mainly due to a throat infection, which turned out to be quite nice really. I got to watch Frasier, then jeremy Kyle, then Trisha, then check my emails, eat lunch and sleep all afternoon.

I've had a fantastic response to my DRAW DANNY FONTAINE bulletin on myspace, and I'm preparing to take it further. The idea is this - draw me, or paint me, or computer me etc, from a photo that i send you, and email it. I will then send you a PRINT FOR FREE! I'm putting together a new page at the minute which will feature ALL of the DRAW DANNY FONTAINE images, and I'm intending to put on an exhibition in London too. Anyone can enter so just send me an email.

The South by Southwest documentary is going a little slowly due to the lack of time always, but I'm going to throw myself into it next week as a summer project. I have over 30 hours of footage, and MAN, some of it's crazy...I'll be organising a viewing in London for that too. I'm thinking of getting some of the bands that are featured in it to play.

Been doing a few shoots such as Jubb & The Dirty Sleeves (top) and The Delays (right), and as you can see managed to SOMEHOW make the world's highest ever jump. Quite impressive for someone who couldn't even stand up properly. If anyone has the Guiness number, let me know.

I've joined another band too, as a bass player. I've now been playing the bass for 3 weeks, and suprisingly we won an all day battle of the bands competition as our first ever gig! Which was nice. You can see more of that at www.myspace.com/dointimeuk. We're recording this week.

My other band has now (almost) officially decided on a name, and will (probably) be going under "DANNY FONTAINE AND THE HORNS OF FURY." Nice eh? Well i like it anyway. I did a favour for a friend on Saturday and in return he's doing a photoshoot for us at the Dazed & Confused studios in a couple of weeks. That'll be when I launch the band website. If you haven't heard the music yet, try www.myspace.com/dannyfontainemusic.

So yes, life's screaming along at it's normal pace, and luckily the doctor's upping the dosage to compenstate.

See you all soon!
CLICK HERE FOR SXSW!!!!!

05.04.06. So I did it. I went to Texas and made my documentary. Read more about it HERE.

CLICK HERE FOR SXSW!!!!!
Mongay 6th March. Some of these rock n roll bands are crazy, man. This one tried to eat me, look! They are Olly and Dan from The Mad Staring Eyes and they weren't the first...

Filming for the ol' South By Southwest documentary is going very well, saw folktronica superstars Tunng yesterday who were all rather charming. We also did the Go! Team this week at The Koko in Camden, and ended up interviewing a band called Smoosh aswell who were in the dressing room next door. Smoosh consists of two 11 and 12 year old girls, and as the tripod broke and the lights were dim, we ended filming them in corner of a 3 ft by 4ft room at close range, complete with swinging light bulb and cracked walls. The girls are almost identical and have already toured the world with their keyboard and drum ensemble, giving them that certain aloofness I've come to see in semi 'rock stars.' This, coupled with the location and method of jerky filming managed to scare the crap out of me by seemingly recreating the twin girls from The Shining, apparently filmed in the Blair Witch Project wood. Nice.

You'll all also (that sounds good) be over the button moon to know that I've begun writing a most bodacious novel on this whole stress-inducing project. Until next time: Qapla'
14.02.06. Happy Valentines Gay! Well. I've been pretty busy lately. For those of you who don't know (and why would you?), I'm currently making a documentary film on the South by South West music festival in Austin, Texas. (www.sxsw.com). I'll be goin over and livin it large in March but at the minute I'm interviewing a lot of the UK bands that will be playing there. Here I am pictured with Rupert from The Capes. he's scared because a zombie has punched a hole through the table and is attempting to break my wrist. I am not scared, only a little turned on.

So far we've interviewed The Mad Staring Eyes, Black Moses, Piney Gir, and The Rebel. Lined up in the next few weeks include The Go! Team, Boy Least Likely Too, The Cribs, Jim Noir, Paris Motel, Mohair and MORE!! because of this the photography's on the hold a bit, except for the odd candid zombie shots.

I'm also doing a couple of gigs myself soon so check out my myspace music page HERE.

Awesome fucking Welles.

DRUGTASTIC

spine

ELASTIC

eyes

FANTASTIC

run out

DRASTIC

My best friend grobbo.
07/01/05. 22:58. LOOK! This is Steve from The Broken Family Band. He is thrilled at meeting me. He wants to meet up more. He wants to be my friend. Prolly. bleh. Its January and time for resolutions. I'm going to read more. And I shaved my beard into a fashionable moustache as you may be able to see. I just ate a curry and drank wine and the music is very loud. I'm listening to 10CC's hit "I'm not in Love." It's very sleepy sounding and the only lights on are the fairy kind. I can't concentrate on writing this, and don't really know why I am, I just wanted to put the photo online as a special treat for my infinite fanbase, and felt pressured to accompany it with some writing. RIGHT. I'm going to go and watch Roman polanski's 'The tenant.' It's very disturbing but luckily I'll soon be very drunk. Happy New Year twat farm, something more of substance soon...
Thursgay 15th Decemberer, It's almost christmas and look how much fun I'm having!! Yup, already in my festive pyjamas, hanging out with orphans in very small jeeps. It's wonderful. Notice that I'm driving as the littlun has yet to pass his theory test, he keeps failing cos he's an idiot, HAHAHA! (if this is ACTUALLY your child, I do not mean to offend, only to point out that a 3 year old prolly couldn't pass a driving theory test. Maybe he could fluke a few as they are now touch-screen, but I doubt he'd actually get enough right to be able to take his practical). AHHH yes, Christmas. It was almost a year ago that I decided I didn't like paying for gigs and that something should be done about it, now look at me! Worldwide celebrity, TV slots, 3 published books ("I love cameras," "Suck my lense," and "Diary of a paranoid schizoprenic"), 1/4 musical, 2 french hens and a partridge in a pear. Treeees are awesome. My brother and I climbed one together in the summer and got drunk at the top, I presume we got down ok though. just shows what the power of...something...er...nope, don't know what i'm talking about. RIGHT. Good. Stay well and have a fuckin Fontaine Christmas ya bunch of twats.
Hello darling, may i come in? May I? nope. Go away. I found you and Petroch at it in the wooden tree field. It was sooooo gross. FOURTH OF OCTOBER 2005. Independance Day. Suck my my. So yeah. Here it is, the photo that everyone's talking about, Danny Fontaine and Scottish Metal band MANDEED in the backroom in the Barfly, Camden, London, UK., etc. Unfortunately I'm not standing on the right with my arm round them, I'll try pick that up again. That strained thread. That frailed thread from my fraying trousers. Anyway. Finished my first music video but still haven't got round to posting it up yet but I will do soon as Matt had to go round a merry go round for about an hour non-stop for it, and I feel I owe it to him to at least show it to somebody. What a garbled sentence that was.

Red writing smells quite fishy.

Starboppin bitch-slammin son ovva gunt, know wha um sayn? Yeah dawg, flipside on the moonshine leftside b-side take yo sheet and burn up crocodile machete bastard hitch done good. SAFE. 05.09.05. MONDAY. GAYDAY. Went to see Electric Six on Friday, billed at playing at 8.45, actually playing at 11.45. GREAT. It was akchully, just meant i drank abit more than the recommended amount for photographing a gig. The result was some rather artsy photos that I quite like but may never be able to recreate. I mean, the result was some artsy photos that I planned meticulously for 4 weeks in a shed in Surbiton and could easily recreate for any band that has the gall to pay me. Yes GALL. As in Gawl. Well. This is another superduper entry isn't is? ANYWAY. Here is a photo of Fontaine himself affectionately holding one Mister Dick Valentine who appears to be pretending that he's not really enjoying it. People do that a lot, but then a lot of musicians go into acting at a later date so i suppose it makes sense. In other news, I'm attempting to start up a new clothing label to add to my endless list of 'things wot I started, but wot never got finished.' But seriously, it's gunna be whacka whacka awesome, working with some rather talented designers, yah. yah. I'll keep you updated. Yeah YOU. Personally. I'll call. Maybe next week, we can 'hang.' I can't wait. In further news my jacket potato smells of burnt in the kitchen so I best go. Thankyou patients, thankyou for your patience. Thats was my wrestling catchphrase as a strange fat child. I was DR DANNO. No one would wrestle me cos I got too violent.

Aurevoir Amigos.
MONDAY 29th AUGUST. Well well well. s'been a whoole agun. Went to France and then to the states for a month where I had muchos adventures throughout California and New York. HELLO to all new and old friends there : Vegas, San Fran, Fresno, San Diego, Sacremento, Salt lake City, LA, Hollywood and of course BROOKLYN. Got me a new digital camera by selling my soul to the devil, recorded some new songs (my band website is coming very soon...) and of course took far too many photos. But I'm not going to post any. If anyone's really interested you can see a couple on http://www.myspace.com/dannyfontaine. Since I've been back I've been to a load of gigs and even some 'EVENTS.' Events are when you go to some shitty place which is miles away
from your house, and then hang around for hours with a bunch of chubby middle aged paparazzi types who make you feel incredibly insignificant, all in the hope of getting a shot of some fucking Z list celebrity like barry Hearn. (Who the fuck is Barry Hearn?) I'd rather get drunk. ANYWAY, went to see one of my most favourite guitar players in Brixton on Friday and here is a picture of him, Jeffrey lewis, and yours truly. Good innit? hmm. Nottinghill Carnival today so it might be another week before another update...
I was going to write this 3 days ago on one of those rare occasions when your head suddenly explodes with intensely clever and hilarious witticisms about life, the universe and everything, but then I went to bed. Better luck next time. If anyone wants to help me write a musical then email me.

Right then. bye.
fffffffffffffffriday 17 Junnnnnnn. 1424hrs. hahaha. So, who's this loveable rogue on the right?? OH YES, it's another photo of me. What d'you expect me to do? If I don't put pictures here then it would only be this pointless drivel that I scribble. So there. That's me, age 19. Gud innit. ANYWAY. It's Friday and I'm orrrfff to Frrraaance tomorrow. Not sure about that really. I've only had bad France experiences to date. We shall see, I'll keep you updated cos I can see you's just glued to yo seats mo fo's. So yeah. I went to BRIXTON last Sunday to photograph The Selecter, The Beat, Stiff Little Fingers, The Specials (well Neville Staple), The Stranglers and loads more. It was pretty cool. They foolishly gave me an access all areas bracelet so I ate about 6 free meals, one between each band, drunk all the bands 7UP off the stage and generally annoyed everyone. Suckers. But Thankyou if you're reading this. Then YESTERDAY I went to Manchester to do a shoot with Treva Whateva which was cool. The brief was a bit Wank, shoot him pretending to steal records etc but hey, when Ninja tunes sends you to manchester to do a shoot you don't complain. Well not yet anyway. One day when I'm King Of The World I might. I can't stop listening to "Everybody's got to live" by Love. It's so goddam fucky goo. d. Anyway, i have to go and wash my France pants. More soon....
Stardate Monday number 6 of June. No, YOU ARE. Anyway, enough about that. I accompanied Master W.Bartle and gf to THE BEAT and THE SELECTOR last night at the Mean Fiddler. Of course someone had fucked up ze guestlist so I had to PAY. Gay. Anyway. Wasn't allowed my beloved Yashica so I have inserted this picture of me instead. I like the way it especially doesn't really look like me. I also like the way that dogs do...stuff. I have dogs on the mind today. Dogs dogs dogs. See? Whatever. I'm off to France with Mr. S.Bartle esquire soon which is scary because I won't be able to check my emails. Could get messy. Ben Folds was really good t'other night, I wrote a review which sort of turned into a novel, and one that didn't really mention Monsieur Folds quite as much as it mentioned the state of affairs and a new P.O.A for Monsieur Fontaine, HOWEVER, I will endeavour to pick some bits of it out. Also wrote quite a slating review of Clem Snide. That one is much more straight forward. Right, time for some Dandelion & Burdock and a hula hoop sandwich. Apparently Space Camp at NASA doesn't make you an astronaut so THINK TWICE before booking. oi oi. Danno.
Wednesday 1st JUNE. Wonderful.

“It was nothing bother be surrounded by yowling storage area. May perhaps young adult make happy acquaint with hindquarters en route for homecoming, historically supper be geared up.”

Said Thomas. It's wet on the lawn. I'm to see Ben Folds this evening which is good. At the Barbican. Apart from that I've just been drawing this picture of some Russians. I don't hate Russians and I do not think they are scum. I just wrote that. It's an 'unrelated statement.' If you don't beleive me then I don't care.

The musical is going well, thankyou. Whoever you are. Who are you? GO HOME. I might get a dog. Went to the hippy fayre on Monday which was fun. I think I'm getting worse at blogging. I don't care about that either. x
Friday 27.05.05. Good God. Bad God. It's a FRRiday and it's hot hot in muggy Kingstonia upon thamleck. Well, it's been a week and I ain't even not gone and done not one gig innit. OH WELL> Fontainio has been busy. Hopefully got the Sons and Daughters shoot going in CLASH MAGAZINE next month. It's very posh and expensive like moi. Also maybe be doin some "STUFF" for ZERO TOLERANCE MAGAZINE. Can't really remember what they're like, I sent the email about 700 years ago. For all I know it could be printed on used toilet roll, prepared by RABID squirrels, $489 per issue, smell like badger cock (that's a real animal not 2 rude words) and be all....sticky. It's prolly not though. Shut Up. I've also been experimenting with sentences whilst at work. These will more than likely be included in my musical. Yes, I am writing one. A FUCKING PUNK SKA MUSICAL!!! It's obviously going to take a while, but then it's already been 3 years since I started it. If anyone wants to get involved please EMAIL ME IMMEDIATELY. Its gonna be big, I'm really going to make it real. I'm currently listening to the Dresden Dolls, if you haven't heard them then you should. I don't have any photos to post, I'm at work, busy as anything, but I'll draw a picture instead. It shall be an animal of some description. Please send me drawings if you have any and maybe I'll put them up too. All 25 of you who have visited this Blog! Hmm. Oh well...oh yes, the sentences : "Much - loved Aspirin." "What to do today?" Pretty nice, huh? I'll write some more soon, so stay tuned. Yngwie Malmsteen Sunday, Ben Folds Monday. YUM.
There we go. Thats 2. That's 2. That is 2. That is two. That is too. That is to do today. 27.05.05. Official Fontaine "Whattodoto Day." SAFE BRUV.
Friday. 20th May. 13:46. So here it is. My BLOG. My SECRET Blog. It was a biography but all I ever wrote was "I'll do it later." And I never did, SOOOO Fontaine Fans, now you can read all my up to date and exciting adventures through this. Fantastic. Note the page counter, so far it's had 3 hits. By me. MWAHAHAHAHA. I'll try and put some pictures in here too. I'll start with this one, it's me and Big Jay from Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards. He wasn't feeling very well and I think your humble narrator annoyed him a little. BUT ONLY A LITTLE. Anyway, not sure where this secret blog is going so I'll write some more later. Very good.